Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Little Voices

Whole, real food. I struggle with the best ways to reach my goals. Worse still is the fact that my goals are always changing. Perhaps they all boil down to the same idea of being happy and healthy, but it gets so crazy in my head. I go from restricting and being hyper-focused to deciding that type of control isn't worth it and it doesn't matter how fat/thin I am as long as I am happy and can do all that I want. It's cyclical and ultimately leaves me hating myself, feeling defeated, and feeling weak.

I have made changes in the last 8 months. I am more aware of why I eat the way that I do, the type of mood that I am in and why, and the way my priorities in day to day life don't reflect what actually becomes my priority in day to day life. It has to be more than just wanting to be thin. It has to be trusting myself, accountable for my actions, and checking in with my priorities each day. I let a lot of time slip by because of fear and self loathing.

I am starting to fall asleep. My goals? Lots of things like 'not hating myself' or 'fitting into my clothes' or 'running 9 minutes miles' are all on the list. I closed the blog so I could talk freely about all of these issues. I go back and forth between a hard copy journal  and an online journal, which basically means I don't journal at all. These are the types of things that I want to change.   I am going to start over in the 'Healing the Hungry Heart' book, and work on 3 meals a day with 2 snacks that are nutrient dense and whole.

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