Today I Hate Myself

My patience are pretty much non-existent. For every one thing I accomplish or do 'right', I trample it and think of the six unfinished tasks on my list or the one email that went out with a spelling mistake. I'm quite sure that some of it is the holidays. I wake up and look at myself and hate it. I want it to be different now. I know that's not possible, which only makes me angrier at myself. Around and around and around I am going right now. Logging and weighing my food is what I need to stick with for a while. Logging, but not weighing my food is what I need to stick with for a while. Not worrying about eating and being sure to work out every day of the week is what I need to stick with for a while. Not worrying about eating and working out every other day is what I need to stick with for a while. Wow. All these things I am telling myself I need to do, and when one doesn't make me wake up not fat I want to toss it aside and keep going. I am afraid that if I stop being vigilent (i.e. belittling myself and every accomplishment I make) I will be fat forever. This way continues to fail me. I'm not skinny and I'm not happy with myself. So, what do I need to stick with for a while? I trip, and find myself back at square one. Journaling every day is what I need to stick with for a while. Writing in my blog is what I need to stick with for a while. Posting to the Princess Posse is what I need to stick with for a while. I even find ways to hate myself more from trying to stop hating myself. I see the irony in that statement. So, today. What is today? What is my plan?

To drink more water - at least To say, 'try it'. Try breathing a few deep breaths and see how I feel. Try checking in with myself during the day and see how I feel.