Tuesday, February 1, 2011

February's Finish Line; It Moved

I was enjoying my afternoon yogurt (Chobani greek with honey (I usually buy plain and add my own, local honey) when I realized that my fiber goal (40 grams/day) for February is just not going to happen. The amount that I chose is too high, which makes it unsustainable. I am not sure the best way to update this goal, and whether my protein intake is also unrealistic. 

Tonight was a 30 minute run, and I was beat. The splitting headache and stressful day at work were just an added bonus to an already tough day. Today was the 3rd anniversary of my Dad's death. It has taken me this long to realize that life will never be normal again; there is a new normal I must accept. My grief and anger clung to me, making the fact that I was overdressed even more apparent. None of the music on my iPod was motivating and my new shoes had somehow acquired lead inserts. There was no way that I would stop. I was out running tonight to make sure that I got my American Eagle gift card and to be able to make this post tonight. I was also out there for myself, to honor a promise to myself about self-care. And, of course, I was out there for my Dad. He was not a runner, but he was a devoted, selfless father. His life's work was to be sure that his wife, 2 daughters and, eventually, granddaughter were living as fully as possible. I would never disgrace his memory by quitting in the middle of a run or, worse, not starting at all. But, the truth is, sometimes I keep going simply because I feel guilty that such a choice is no longer his. All of this was with me as I ran tonight. 

I have tried multiple times to end this update, but to no avail. My headache is worse and with the Quidditch Cup match well underway I will simply say goodnight now and escape back into the 4th book of Harry Potter...

Good night. 

1 comment:

  1. What a tremendous job you're doing, Katie!! Here's my encouragement: keep up your fabulous perseverance and add two teaspoons of finding things that you like and appreciate about your efforts and results. Also, simmer a little to boil off the feelings of pressure. (With apologies for cooking metaphors from someone who is rather challenged in the kitchen.)
    With love and appreciation for all you're doing,